Author Archives: Shenni

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How to survive a breakup

Category:breakup help,heartbroken,relationship,self-care,self-help,stages we work through,Uncategorised Tags : 

How to survive a breakup. Its a BIG deal right. I’m sorry you’ve been hurt by a breakup. It can be so underestimated the level of hurt that a breakup can cause. But please believe me when I say- you will be okay again.

Here are my top 5 ways to help yourself during a breakup.

1. Cry it out. Don’t try to keep strong and bottle it up all the time. Take time out to sit with your feelings, allow them to be what they are and cry! The world CAN and WILL wait. Just remember at some point to pick yourself back up again.

2. When you keep remembering the good times, also remember the bad. Sounds negative but believe me- they weren’t perfect and you weren’t always happy with them. If you are struggling, ask a friend to help you think of things and write them down so you can revisit them when you are having a rose tinted glasses moment about your ex. Find out how to keep doing this here.

3. Say YES to plans and invitations to things. You need to try to remember how it feels to be independent and happy again. You are the only person you have to live with for the rest of your life- make it good! Are you struggling with the motivation to do this? Find out more on how to get started here.

4. Talk it out. This is one of the most important tips. Make sure you are finding time to talk about what has happened and how you are feeling. We can definitely help you with this one! Book your first telephone session with us here.

5. Give yourself time. You aren’t going to get over this overnight unfortunately. But be patient and kind with yourself. Ask for help and guidance to get started on feeling better.

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Results on google search for how to get better sleep.

How to get over your ex

Category:breakup help,heartbroken,relationship,self-care,self-help,stages we work through Tags : 

How to get over your ex. The very highly searched term in recent times. 2020 seemed to be THE year for breakups. Now we’re deep into 2021 and it’s definitely time to move forward with your life if a breakup is something you have been going through.

I figured since I help people every day to get over relationship breakups, I’d put together a helpful list of things to help you get over your ex.

Top 5 tips

1. Journaling really works. Write down all the things that are coming to mind about how you are feeling and the thoughts you are having. Putting those thoughts on paper are metaphorically taking them out of your mind for a while. It was probably starting to feel a little cluttered in there!

2. Balance out your positive thoughts of your ex with realistic ones. Come on. You know deep down they weren’t really a Prince with perfect everything. Dig deep- think about all the bad stuff too and all the things that used to drive you up the wall.

3. Think about what you have put off doing for yourself or what you have felt held back with. Did you make sacrifices and decisions based on your partner or your relationship? Time to take back your life and own your independence again! You used to be fine before them, remember?

4. Catch up with friends. Old and new. Socialise and say yes to almost everything you get invited to do. You need to be reminded that there is more to the world than your ex and this is the perfect way to be reminded of that.

5. Take time to feel what you feel. Sit with your feelings and make sure you are able to vent and talk about all of the feelings you are experiencing. Book your first free chat with us here.

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Getting over a breakup- let go and move on

Category:breakup help,heartbroken,relationship,self-help,Uncategorised Tags : 

Getting over a breakup-let go and move on. Relationships can have an impact on us long after they end. Something that was such a big part of your life is no longer there, how do you expect the mind to behave!!? Carrying around emotional pain from a relationship can prevent you from moving on. Here are some ways to let go and move on.

Top 5 things

1. Talk to someone. You will be going through some stages of emotions that you might not quite understand. You are essentially grieving the loss you have faced. Be sure to give yourself time and the support you need to recover from what has happened.

2. Embrace your freedom. Think about all the things you put off doing or stopped doing while you were in your relationship. Make plans for your own personal progress and focus on yourself. You will have gone from being a ‘we’ and an ‘us’ to being an ‘I’ and a ‘me’ again so this will feel like a challenge. Reach out to us for some guidance on this.

3. Stop romanticising the relationship and your ex. Chances are they weren’t as great as you are remembering them to be. Balance out those thoughts with thoughts of times when you weren’t happy or didn’t feel loved by them.

4. Sit with your feelings. Try not to bottle your emotions up. You need to sit with your feelings and allow them to be what they are. It’s no good avoiding what has happened. Face up to what you have experienced and begin to heal this way. We can help you with this.

5. Cut contact if you have no reasonable explanation for continuing communication. If you have children or shared a home, it may be necessary. But make contact the bare minimum and make communication only about those necessary things. if you keep that person close, it will prevent you from moving on because you will always keep a small piece of hope for getting back together.

If you need support after a breakup, your first telephone session is free. Book it here!

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How to get over someone: 5 expert tips

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How to get over someone: 5 expert tips to help you move on, when you feel like moving on from your ex is hopeless and is never going to happen. Moving past a breakup will be difficult, but there are ways to make it a little easier.

Top 5

1. Be patient with yourself. The most common thing I see with my clients is that they set expectations of themselves for when they should be feeling better or happy again. Give yourself a chance. Try not to apply pressure to yourself this way and work on being patient with yourself.

2. Channel your inner cheerleader. Breakups can make you forget your worth. You will be blaming yourself for things and feeling unlovable or unwanted. This is not rational thinking and you need to actively work on focusing on your best qualities.

3. Cut off contact with your ex. It is especially important to do this if communicating with them is making you feel hopeful that things will go back to normal. This is unhealthy because it means you aren’t living in the present moment and that your ex has control over your future. (This is of course not possible for some people, if you have children together for example. In this case it is important to only make communication about the child).

4. Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. Cry if you need to. As often as you need to. Cut off people who make you feel worse even if temporary. You need to put your well-being first so if you need to be cut-throat about not communicating with people who make you feel worse, do so.

5. TALK to someone about what is happening and how you are feeling. If you have a close friend or family member maybe they will let you put them on standby if you have the urge to text or call your ex, that way you can contact your friend instead. Talk to a professional who can help work through all these tips with you. It’s easier read than done!

Hopefully you enjoyed our 5 expert tips on how to get over someone. If you are going through a breakup, book your first free chat with our breakup coach here.

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Single on Valentine’s day?

Category:breakup help,heartbroken,self-care,Uncategorised Tags : 

Are you feeling sad about being alone on valentines day? Well I’m here to tell you that you are not alone! People all around are feeling especially lonely and bored coming up to valentines day this year. Here are my top tips to survive this valentines day as a single:

1) put dating on hold. Ok at the moment this isn’t exactly much of a choice BUT tell yourself you are choosing to do this. Use the mantra ‘I am hitting pause on dating for a while’. Don’t get me wrong, you should continue to socialise with people remotely where possible but maybe consider not investing seriously in anyone during the pandemic.

2) write yourself a love letter. Really take time for yourself. Relax and get to know YOU. Write yourself a letter to celebrate all the things you are proud of and all the progress you have made.

3) Stay off social media for a day. If you know you are gonna feel salty over the #couplegoals hashtags then avoid it for one day!

4) Treat yourself. Spend whatever you would have spent on your partner, on yourself. You deserve it! Grab a takeaway and just treat yourself for a day.

5) connect with your single friends. Galentines day will also always be a thing! Have a virtual dinner date with a fellow single and share some laughter and fun. They may need it as much as you do!

Reach out to us if you are finding it hard being single on valentines day or just in general- your first telephone chat is free!

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How to date during lockdown

Category:relationship,Uncategorised Tags : 

How to date during lockdown. Recently, I have often been asked about this. ‘How am I supposed to meet someone new if I can’t go anywhere!?’ Well, humans are made to socialise- it’s in our DNA! This isn’t just about romantic relationships either. This goes for non-romantic relationships too. During a time like this, socialising is going to be more of a challenge but here are my top tips to help you.

1. Use this time to be more selective about the person you choose to talk to. At a time like this, priorities change a little, if what you want is someone who looks like a Victoria’s secret model just also remember to look at their personal qualities. This is what is going to keep your interest if you aren’t able to see each other. All jokes aside, know what your relationship boundaries are and what your criteria is for a partner. Use the extra alone time lockdown gives you to take more care to find what you really want.

2. Meet remotely with people enough times to know whether you will want to eventually meet in person. This offers more emotional protection and you can get to know a lot about someone through a video date. Ok, so ‘I can’t hear you, you might be on mute’ isn’t the most romantic of sentences but you can really use this chance to make a more informative and genuine impression of someone. (without the vodka shots and that ‘I can’t feel my face’ song booming in the background)…….

3. When you know they are someone you are comfortable with and want to know more about, go for that social distanced walk together (provided you live nearby and aren’t breaking the law).

4. Have a ‘remote’ movie night together (but apart). Both of you can get snacks in and pick a movie together, then go on video call to be able to see each others reactions to plot points and so you can still spend time together even if apart!

5. Don’t be afraid to ask important questions. This may even be easier NOT in person! Take advantage of that and make sure you aren’t investing too much emotionally before you have the answers to the questions that are important to you.

Hopefully you enjoyed our blog today about how to date during lockdown. If you need one-on-one support or guidance with a coach, book your first FREE chat with us here.

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How to get over a breakup

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How to get over a breakup, according to a relationship breakup expert.

1. Gain understanding of the processes happening inside your mind. Your brain functions differently during a breakup. You are effectively getting over an addiction because that’s what your ex became. You will become desperate and behave out of character. So, speak to someone who can explain what’s taking place in your mind.

2. Stop thinking you need ‘closure’. This is masking the desire to get back with your ex. You think by speaking to them once more you will figure outa way to fix things. Instead, work on accepting you just weren’t meant to be together. Speak to someone who can help you. Our breakup coach here offers a free 20 minute chat if you click here.

3. Unfriend them on social media. This includes any mutual friends you follow, if their posts are causing you to feel unhappy. or even if it’s just leading you to keep checking if there’s any sign of them on things. Do what you need to do to feel better. You can always reach out to people again once you get past the worst of it.

4. Recognise that your mind is reinforcing the positive moments and happy times you shared. Speak to someone and balance out those thoughts with realistic events that took place to counter balance the good ones. I can help you with this.

5. Try new things. When your friends tries to drag you out the house to go out for fresh air, GO! Force yourself to go out and do things because you need to boost your confidence back up. Try new things and go to new places with people. Break your usual routine and spend quality time with people you didn’t get round to spending time with when you were caught up in your relationship.

If you are going through a breakup, get in touch with us here today!

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How to build a healthy relationship

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How to build a healthy relationship. Do you want to feel connected to your partner and are seeking the unconditional, healthy relationship everyone talks about?

All relationships take work and dedication, its not always going to be easy. You need to have a willingness to adapt to your partner and change in a positive way based on these adaptations. Whether you have been together for what feels like forever or you are single and just want tips for your next relationship.

Learn how to build a relationship that is satisfying and happy, here are my top tips to find fulfilment and lasting happiness.

Top 10 tips:

1.Spend quality time together

You fall in love and stay in love by looking at and listening to one another. Being attentive can help sustain longer term happiness. It becomes harder to find time to spend together what with life demands and you are likely used to the new exciting feeling of having first got together. This will feel like a significant switch when you end up living together, doing the ‘life’ stuff together. DO NOT allow this to make you forget how important it is to spend quality time together. Regularly connect over things when you spend time together- let technology take a back seat and really focus on the time you are spending with your partner. Find a joint hobby or activity that you both enjoy and do this regularly. Try new things together and have adventures together! This is supposed to be your life partner and team mate so make plans to do amazing things together and carry those out. Make memories and go on brilliant journeys together.

2. Communicate openly.

Effective communication helps to maintain a strong, lasting romantic relationship. How else will they know what your needs are? Its either: communicate and have your needs met thus have a good connection with your partner, or: Don’t have your needs met and feel like the connection is lacking. Make the right choice! Communication is also about taking note of non-verbal cues- your partner will respond differently to uncomfortable or tense situations. Your partner may want a hug after a stressful day whereas you may just want to sit together and talk. Make sure that what you say matches your body language. It’s no good saying ‘I’m fine’ but then looking away and crossing your arms over. Be very aware of how you are coming across non-verbally.

3. Don’t push your expectations onto your partner

Do not push your expectations on to your partner. If you have set expectations that your partner does not want to or can’t meet, it is not healthy to try to push these onto them. These are expectations you have set therefore it is never fair to expect someone else to reach all of these. Compromise is important, nobody is perfect and you need to be able to accept your partner for all of their quirks as well as the good stuff without expecting perfection.

4. Maintain a good relationship with yourself

If you had hobbies before your relationship such as working out, meeting the girls/boys for dinner and a catch up every couple of weeks, or other similar activities, it is important to maintain these. You need to have a life outside of your relationship. This doesn’t mean that you can’t make your relationship your priority. It means: sustain your own identity in order to prevent unhealthy pressure being put on your relationship.

5. Maintain a meaningful emotional connection with each other

Work hard to make your partner feel emotionally fulfilled and loved. This means, feeling accepted and valued by your partner. Some couples exist in amicable coexistence however this is not the same as being able to truly connect emotionally with your partner. Without this connection there may be a feeling of distance between you. Enjoy the little things you do together and make sure that you are always showing gratitude for all the things you adore about each other! Don’t get comfortable being comfortable. Keep it exciting, this way you will always enjoy your time together whilst feeling secure and at peace together.

6. Treat them how you want to be treated (yes its a cliché but really)

Agree your boundaries and don’t do things you know will hurt their feelings. If there are things you would not be ok with them doing then don’t do them yourself! Get into the habit of having empathy in that you can put yourself in their position about how they might feel after you do something. It’s so important to ensure you are in tune with each other and know what the other likes and dislikes. Get into the habit of doing the good and avoiding the bad!

It is so important to focus on your relationship at all times not just some of the time. It takes ongoing attention and commitment to be truly happy and fulfilled in your relationship.

7. Keep physical intimacy alive

Touch is a fundamental part of our existence. Regular affectionate contact is so important in maintaining effective attachment and healthy connections. Holding hands, hugging and kissing are all just as important as sexual intimacy in keeping the romance alive. Be sensitive to what your partner likes and dislikes when it comes to physical intimacy. Even amongst a pressing workload or childcare duties it is so important to carve out time for physical intimacy with your partner.

8. Compromise, compromise and compromise

If you expect to get what you want all of the time then you need to seriously have a word with yourself, because you are leading yourself up to be disappointed. Both parties in a relationship need to put forward a reasonable exchange and learn to compromise. It is important that you both recognise what is important to each other and build a positive atmosphere.

9. Don’t make your goal during disagreements about ‘winning’

Do not always expect things to go your way ‘or else’. This attitude could make your partner feel trapped and like their feelings are not valid. This is very damaging to both your partner and your relationship. Perhaps this desire for everything to go your way stems from not having your needs met as a child. Or maybe it comes from years of not having your voice heard in previous relationships. But ultimately this is a damaging trait so needs to be dealt with before it causes damage. Your partner deserves to be heard and have their feelings validated as well.

10. Leave the past in the past

Do not drag old arguments or issues into the mix when you are feeling low or trying to resolve conflict. Do not try to assign old blame to things that should no longer be relevant. Look at the present situation and work on that. Be willing to let things go and don’t keep bringing them up! There is nothing more damaging to a relationship than bringing up old uncomfortable conversations and previous issues consistently. Once you have tackled an issue, agree to leave it there. Conflict is inevitable but make sure to fight fair when it happens!

I hope you enjoyed my top 10 ways of learning how to build a healthy relationship. If you need some one on support, book your free 20 minute chat with our relationship breakup coach here.

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Will we breakup because it was too soon to live together

Will we breakup because it was too soon to live together?

Category:relationship,Uncategorised Tags : 

Are you going through a breakup or through relationship challenges and wondering if it is due to the pressure that you both or one of you felt to live together before you might have been ready?

Given our current situation what with COVID, government rules have meant that there has been an increase in couples living together more quickly than they would have normally to protect their relationships. But this could end up being in vain.

To prevent this from becoming a negative thing there are steps that should be taken;

1) Don’t lose your boundaries. Remember to have some alone time, even if this is just in separate rooms.

2) If you have limited space, agree a timetable. For example, if you are both working from home put together a rota to make sure you aren’t squabbling over who gets to be in the office at a certain time.

3) Try to maintain some form of routine. If you would usually start work at 9 and finish at 5 try to make sure you still do this- turn your laptop off at 5. This will help you continue to make time for your relationship and/or family.

4) Be kind to yourself. These are not normal times so everything can’t be within your control. Less so than normal. If things aren’t perfect at the moment, try to let those little things go.

5) Expect that the people around you won’t be behaving completely normally. Be kind to yourself but to others as well. Perhaps your partner seems more grumpy than usual? Try to be understanding during a time of crisis. An outburst or argument doesn’t mean your relationship is in trouble. In fact it’s healthy to release emotions.

If you are going through a breakup or you are struggling with you relationship, you can book your first session with me for free here.

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How to breakup with someone

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How to breakup with someone gracefully…it’s not an easy thing to do. Is it even possible? Well there are some things to know that may make it a little less painful not only in the moment you do the deed but also during the aftermath.

Breakups are unique. This means that one rule for one person may not work for another. My professional advice to my clients will always be based on the context of their own personal relationship and breakup. There are no simple answers but there are some important factors to always consider. Here is my top 5 list of things:

1- DO try to do it in person if you can. Except for unusual circumstances (whereby your ex is obsessive and has hassled you non-stop therefore you feel you can only do it via text and not in person or for example they’ve done something unforgivable…….). If you have respect for them then it’s best to try to have the conversation in person.

2- DO cut contact with them after the breakup. This is important but takes a lot of courage to do. This helps promote faster emotional recovery from the breakup. This is a reasonable and effective thing to do so DO put yourself first by taking this step.

3- DO both take time to recognise that this breakup happened for a reason. That person is not your person. You were not compatible otherwise you’d still be together. Sounds harsh but the sooner you accept this, the sooner you can find happiness again.

4- DO NOT try to make the other person feel better. Once you have the dreaded breakup conversation and the relationship is severed, it is not your responsibility to help that person or to support them emotionally. This can majorly backfire as it will make them feel resentful. They may even try to make you feel guilty for leaving and try to get as much out of you as possible. Oh and do not have sex with them. Ever again. Stop!

5- DO talk to someone (for example Or recommend that they talk to someone (for example You will often observe your own relationships poorly and it may not be obvious to you how the breakup has affected you.

For a free 20 minute chat with me head over to my bookings page now!