Breakups suck. We have well and truly established this. Especially if your one and only partner is the one to breakup with you and you don’t want it to happen. Well, you think you don’t want it to happen.
Denial– the first thing you experience. You want to fix it. Get things back to how they were. You think you can control what has happened and ‘change things’ or ‘be better’ to get them back.
This is a natural reaction, so don’t worry I’m not having a go at you! Just please ask yourself the following 5 questions before you declare with certainty that you want your ex back.
1) Do you share the same values? The relationship really has no future if you don’t share the same values. This is not something you can just fix. Our values make us who we are and although at this stage you think you will change them if it means getting them back- this is a bad idea. You will lose yourself trying to find them again. Let us help you figure this out.
2) Are your issues resolvable? Face it- you broke up for a reason. A negative dynamic was formed along the way or you just found you weren’t right for each other. If the issues you had aren’t resolvable because you just can’t change who you or they are then it’s just not worth it.
3) Do you miss them or the idea of them? Really try to be honest about what you actually miss about them. Do you miss the person they were? How they treated you? Or do you just miss being in a relationship? Do you struggle to be alone? we can help you to understand if this is true for you.
4) Are you only remembering the good times? Are you idolising your ex? Do you keep thinking they are amazing and brilliant and it’s all your fault that it’s over? At the moment, your brain only wants to playback all of the good times and throw the rubbish times into the shadows. Be so aware of this. Look at the whole picture. We can help you with this.
5) Are you ok with the fact that they have left? This will be something you will have to be ok with if you ever got back together. At the moment you will say YES. But you will need to regain trust that they won’t abandon you at the first sign of an argument if you get back together again. They have hurt you by leaving and there is a reason they have left. Don’t lower your standards. You deserve to be with someone who actually wants to be with you without a doubt in their mind. let us help you build your confidence back up.
If you need help getting over your ex, contact us today for a free 20 minute telephone session to get started.