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How to deal with a breakup according to psychology. Science doesn’t lie (unlike your ex….)

The aftermath of a breakup can feel awful. A relationship can offer a sense of stability in your life and so it makes logical sense that if it comes to an end it can knock you off your feet. It can leave you feeling lost. Why does it feel so hard to let go of someone who isn’t right for you or doesn’t want to be with you any longer? How do we stop remembering all the times we shared together and get over it? It has a lot to do with science and understanding of the process.

You are bound to feel hurt and confused.

Science tells us that when you are going through a breakup, the brain regions activated when you feel physical pain are also activated during romantic rejection. You will be feeling confused because you may know deep down that there were issues in the relationship. Maybe you know you should let go because they aren’t there for you how you need them anymore. However, you may still feel drawn to your ex or be wanting to get back together with them. Science tells us that this is due to the decline in hormones in the brain during a breakup, which are similar to those experienced during drug addiction withdrawals.

Work on balancing out your thoughts.

This is easier said than done (we can help you learn how to start) but try to accept the relationship for what it actually was instead of what you aspired for it to be. You will be hyper focusing on the issues and the good memories. You’ll be wondering what you could have done to change this outcome. Try to recognise when you are having these thoughts and balance them with a rational mantra such as ‘I did the best given the tools I had’ or ‘there were also times that I felt unhappy’.

Re-focus on yourself.

These are things that got neglected or forgotten while you were with your ex, that you used to enjoy. Maybe you stopped reading in bed before falling asleep. Maybe you stopped going to that yoga class because you felt comfortable being with your partner more and prioritised that. Your personal growth may have become stunted during the relationship, this is very common. Science says that if a newly single person spends time learning about and taking part in new hobbies and activities can help you rediscover yourself and lessens the feelings of loss after a breakup.

Talk to someone who can guide you through.

Science has shown that venting about a relationship and reflecting on the breakup can help speed up the healing process. We offer a free telephone session to get you feeling better after a breakup. Book yours here.