How to get over a breakup. There’s no denying it, breakups are awful even if they are conducted in an amicable and mature way. They can shake you at your core causing you to question yourself and and your faith in love and relationships.
If you’ve been broken up with, you will have the added agony of feeling rejected and abandoned which can bring about a whole host of other challenges. If you have ended things you may be battling with feelings of guilt instead.
In reality, breakups often lead to a better you, the ability to find a better partner and a better life in general eventually. Although this realisation sometimes doesn’t come until much later. In those first few brutal days and weeks, allow yourself to grieve the loss of this. Here are a few things that can help you along the process, because you can and will be ok again.
Be patient and kind to yourself.
Your feelings are valid and experiencing them by allowing them to exist is vital. You’ve lost a big part of your life and future plans. They have probably been a daily part of your life and so allowing yourself time to grieve the loss of this is important.
Don’t stay friends with your ex.
You may say you will to begin with, this is because it can make the transition feel less abrupt so works as a defence mechanism. This may feel comforting at the start but research has shown that staying friends with an ex can have links with challenges longer term such as; finding a new romantic partner, links with depression and jealousy. If you want to be able to focus on yourself and move forward with your life, staying friends is probably not the best option.
Get rid of anything that is triggering your sadness.
Whether its the holiday photos together or the furniture you chose together during that trip to Ikea. If it is triggering you to feel sad, get rid of it! if you don’t have the heart to throw things away yet, bag them up and give them to a trusted friend until you are ready. Sell the furniture and buy something more YOU. If you are still following your ex on social media- stop, block, mute or delete as soon as possible. Preserve your own wellbeing over worrying about offending others. You need to put yourself first.
No contact.
You will have moments of desperation where you will want to call your ex or message them for an instant gratification of getting a response thus feeling like your needs have been slightly met. This is not going to get you back together with them. It is not going to help you be ok again. This will keep you stuck in the cycle you are trying to break out of.
Talk to a professional.
It is important that you talk through what has happened and allow yourself to move through the stages of the breakup in a healing and effective way. We can help you understand the science behind what is happening and get you to the acceptance stage of the breakup remotely! Book a free 20 minute telephone session with us here to get started.
