How to help someone through a breakup when you feel helpless seeing that friend of loved one struggling to cope after their relationship has ended. If only it was as easy as in the movies, like making a few jokes or digging out a tub of ben and jerry’s ice cream. It’s just not that easy in reality. You friend of loved one will be going through a rollercoaster of emotions and there will be days when they won’t even want to get out of bed. Seeing someone we care about behaving this way can leave us feeling helpless. Here are some tips to support you in this challenge.
Just be present.
You may feel useless just sitting around with your friend whilst they wallow and not saying much at all but being present with them helps. It makes them feel less alone in what they are going through. Put on a neutral film and hang out without any pressure. You being there gives them the option to talk if and when they feel ready.
Help them deal with tasks or jobs.
If they can’t get to work one day, phone in for them to say they can’t make it in. If they have responsibilities, feed their pet for them or take their bins out. They will appreciate this even if they can’t bring themselves to say it in the moment.
Be ready to help them reinvent themselves.
The time will come when they say yes (ok, reluctantly) to the suggestion of going out for a coffee or to that yoga class with you. Be ready to support and encourage them at any opportunity because once they make that first step, it will be the start of them finding themselves again.
Be mindful with your words.
Remember, your friend isn’t thinking with their rational brain right now. They are hyper-focusing on the relationship and their mistakes. They are putting their ex up on a pedestal which they probably don’t deserve to be on. Try not to minimise what they are saying and try to listen without judging or giving your opinion.
Point them in the direction of a breakup specialist. They can talk about what has happened, what they are feeling and be guided in the right direction by someone who really knows how to help. Book a free telephone session here.
Find out more about what we can do to help someone through a breakup here.