Tag Archives: breakup help

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How to get over a breakup

Category:breakup help,heartbroken Tags : 

How to get over a breakup, according to a relationship breakup expert.

1. Gain understanding of the processes happening inside your mind. Your brain functions differently during a breakup. You are effectively getting over an addiction because that’s what your ex became. You will become desperate and behave out of character. So, speak to someone who can explain what’s taking place in your mind.

2. Stop thinking you need ‘closure’. This is masking the desire to get back with your ex. You think by speaking to them once more you will figure outa way to fix things. Instead, work on accepting you just weren’t meant to be together. Speak to someone who can help you. Our breakup coach here offers a free 20 minute chat if you click here.

3. Unfriend them on social media. This includes any mutual friends you follow, if their posts are causing you to feel unhappy. or even if it’s just leading you to keep checking if there’s any sign of them on things. Do what you need to do to feel better. You can always reach out to people again once you get past the worst of it.

4. Recognise that your mind is reinforcing the positive moments and happy times you shared. Speak to someone and balance out those thoughts with realistic events that took place to counter balance the good ones. I can help you with this.

5. Try new things. When your friends tries to drag you out the house to go out for fresh air, GO! Force yourself to go out and do things because you need to boost your confidence back up. Try new things and go to new places with people. Break your usual routine and spend quality time with people you didn’t get round to spending time with when you were caught up in your relationship.

If you are going through a breakup, get in touch with us here today!


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heartbreak broken heart how to breakup without breaking someone's heart

How to breakup with someone

Category:relationship,Uncategorised Tags : 

How to breakup with someone gracefully…it’s not an easy thing to do. Is it even possible? Well there are some things to know that may make it a little less painful not only in the moment you do the deed but also during the aftermath.

Breakups are unique. This means that one rule for one person may not work for another. My professional advice to my clients will always be based on the context of their own personal relationship and breakup. There are no simple answers but there are some important factors to always consider. Here is my top 5 list of things:

1- DO try to do it in person if you can. Except for unusual circumstances (whereby your ex is obsessive and has hassled you non-stop therefore you feel you can only do it via text and not in person or for example they’ve done something unforgivable…….). If you have respect for them then it’s best to try to have the conversation in person.

2- DO cut contact with them after the breakup. This is important but takes a lot of courage to do. This helps promote faster emotional recovery from the breakup. This is a reasonable and effective thing to do so DO put yourself first by taking this step.

3- DO both take time to recognise that this breakup happened for a reason. That person is not your person. You were not compatible otherwise you’d still be together. Sounds harsh but the sooner you accept this, the sooner you can find happiness again.

4- DO NOT try to make the other person feel better. Once you have the dreaded breakup conversation and the relationship is severed, it is not your responsibility to help that person or to support them emotionally. This can majorly backfire as it will make them feel resentful. They may even try to make you feel guilty for leaving and try to get as much out of you as possible. Oh and do not have sex with them. Ever again. Stop!

5- DO talk to someone (for example breakup-help.com). Or recommend that they talk to someone (for example breakup-help.com). You will often observe your own relationships poorly and it may not be obvious to you how the breakup has affected you.

For a free 20 minute chat with me head over to my bookings page now!


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carefree person how to stop taking things personally

Stop taking things personally! How to…….

Category:self-help,Uncategorised Tags : 

Stop taking things personally something that is easier said than done, right? It’s also something a lot of us have been told by someone at some point in our lives and if you are being honest, did you take it personally when this happened?

Okay so it’s important for your own wellbeing that you try your best to remain in your energy. Try not take things personally in life, because it can lead you to feel uncomfortable or unhappy.

My job is to make you feel happy and confident, so, I’m writing this post to offer my best tips to not taking things personally.

Top 5 tips:

1) accept that your beliefs are not the same as someone else’s. Your personal beliefs are what shape your interpretation of events that take place. You may believe it’s rude if a person doesn’t respond to your ‘good morning’ greeting in the lift.

Your belief leads you to:

perceive this as them being rude. Stepping away from your beliefs for a moment can help you to think more logically- maybe they don’t speak English. Maybe they didn’t hear you or maybe they have just had a bad experience with strangers in lifts! Try to think outside of your own ‘beliefs’ box.

2) work on worrying less about what people think of you. This takes time and sometimes my clients need guidance to master this. Once you do, it’s much easier to stop taking things personally. From the day we are born, we are conditioned to think we have to be accepted by others. The truth is – not everyone has to like you. You could be the juiciest peach in the fruit bowl and there will be someone out there who just doesn’t like peaches. Accept yourself, that way it’s easier not to take things personally in life.

3) maintain power over how you are feeling. By taking something someone else has said personally, you are effectively allowing them to be in control of how you are feeling.

Try to choose a different line of thought:

you can’t control what someone else says or does, however, you can control your response to it. Just think- if someone served you up some rotten fruit, would you eat it and allow it to have a negative effect on you? Or would you throw it away?! The same goes for comments that are sent your way. Will you listen to it and allow it to affect you negatively or will you ‘throw it away?’ Make a choice!

4) Be aware of the ‘spotlight effect’. We’ve all been there- someone says something. They are looking over at us. We take it personally and it feels like we are being judged or criticised. In actual fact, they probably haven’t even noticed you! The reality is, that look they gave you was nothing. That conversation they were having was not even about you! The spotlight effect is where we are so inside our own head, thus we are acutely aware of our own flaws and weaknesses. We feel that others may notice them too and more often than not, they don’t!

5) let go of the idea of social perfectionism. Not one person on the planet is perfect. We all make or have made mistakes.

When you believe that you have to be perfect, this can lead to:

a constant worry about how you come across to others. It’s ok to worry about what others think of you a little- being social creatures, we all do it! Try to practice letting go of things you don’t do perfectly and have some empathy for yourself. We are always harder on ourselves for things than we are on other people. You are likely judging yourself more than any one else is judging you!! Be kind to yourself too.

Book your free telephone session with our relationship breakup expert here!


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my alone feels so good

How to: be happy on your own

Category:relationship,self-care,self-help,Uncategorised Tags : 

How to be happy on your own and in your own company. 5 tips to train your mind to be better at this. Following on from my previous blog post (do you want to stop feeling lonely after a breakup), here is an article to help you master being on your own and enjoying it!

Some people are naturally happy being solo but for others it can be a real challenge. However, there are always ways to become more comfortable with this (even if you are a dedicated extrovert!).

Having a positive relationship with yourself is definitely an investment worth having. You spend a lot of time with yourself, so you may as well learn to enjoy it!

First let’s separate being ‘alone’ from being ‘lonely’. They may overlap, however they are very different. If you feel content when you are having alone time and look forward to it, this is simply being alone. If when you are on your own, you are filled with sadness and ache for company then you, my friend, feel lonely.

Why is being ‘alone’ seen as such a negative thing?! Ultimately all it means is that you are on your own but this could be such a productive and self-reflective time that leads to all positive things!

Ok lets dive into my top 5 tips to get more comfortable being alone.

Top 5 tips:

1) STOP comparing yourself to others.

Let’s face it, those people who appear to be doing lots of brilliant things, who look like they have an enviable social life are probably just very good at keeping up appearances. Get out of the negative habit of looking at other people’s lives and comparing yours with theirs.

2) BREAK free from social media.

Even if it’s only during the time you are alone or for an hour each evening. If you notice that scrolling through your news feeds are making you feel stressed or feel a strong case of FOMO then this is a huge indicator that you need to wean yourself off the gram!

3) TAKE YOURSELF out for a date.

If even just the thought of going out on your own fills you with anxiety it means you have room to improve your relationship with yourself. Are you are reading this tip and thinking, ‘there’s no way I’m going out for lunch on my own’? Start by going to a coffee shop once a week instead. This will feel more acceptable to you until you have mastered the art of being happy alone.

4) DO NOTHING for 5-10 minutes of your day.

Sounds ridiculous I know. Who tells anyone to ‘do nothing’ but by this I mean literally nothing. Stare out the window, sit in a dimly lit room, let your mind truly wander without any distractions. You need this time to think of brilliant ideas and it doesn’t happen when you are constantly distracted by something.

5) EMBRACE NATURE and go for a mindful walk.

If you have a dog that you have to walk anyway this will be easy to get into the habit of doing, but if not then take a walk around the block to start off and gradually build this up. It’s not just about walking, it’s about taking in your surroundings as you go. Use your senses- what can you smell, see and touch. Try to really be in the moment. This gets easier with practice.

If you are struggling to be on your own after a breakup, book a free 20 minute chat with me here.


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lonely after breakup

Stop feeling lonely after a breakup

Category:heartbroken,self-care,self-help,Uncategorised Tags : 

Stop feeling lonely after a breakup. Are you experiencing a crippling sense of loneliness since you became newly single? You are not alone in feeling alone!

Lots of women are opening up lately about feelings of loneliness. Opening up about feeling this way shows vulnerability and allows others to express their own feelings on the matter. Speaking about it is the first step to stop feeling lonely after a breakup.

These moments of feeling lonely and low will ultimately make you stronger. It will cause you to feel so uncomfortable that the only thing to do is grow from it.

Allow the loneliness you feel to force you out of your comfort zone to meet new people and try new things.

Here are some ideas;

1- get in touch with an old friend who you haven’t spoken to for a really long time.

2- find your passion … the things that sparks fire in your stomach

3- pick a new hobby and dive straight into it

4- make plans. Plan as many things as you can!

5- join a class. Get a friend to go with you if you are nervous.

6- remove toxic people from your life to make room for the good ones!

7- learn to be happy spending time on your own. (I will be posting an article on ways to train yourself to do this next week!)

8- feel lonely and accept it for what it is. That is: a feeling. Allow it to be just that and sit with it for a few minutes or as long as you need. Allow yourself to feel low but then pick yourself back up at some point soon and do something 1-7 off of this list!!!

When you can’t enjoy spending time on your own without feeling lonely it will cause you to stay in bad relationships with people who you lack positive connections with. This is because it gives you a temporary fix of comfort but is not good for you in the long run.

If YOU don’t enjoy spending time with YOU, then how can you expect someone else to want to? But also be prepared to be happy and comfortable on your own and allow positive relationships with people to enhance your life only. Know you will be fine with or without others, because you’ve already built a strong foundation of self love.

If you are feeling lonely after a breakup and need some help, book your free 20 minute chat with me here.


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mindful living photo

Mindful living and how to practice this daily

Category:self-care,Uncategorised Tags : 

Mindful living is all to do with focusing on the current moment whatever you happen to be doing at the time. Ultimately it is about focusing on the ‘now’ and the living in the present time.

Sometimes we can get so caught up in focusing on our goals and thinking about our future plans or even in looking back at mistakes made or our regrets that we may have. So I’ve put together some quick tips to help you practice mindful living in your daily life:

1) meditation- focus on your breathing. breathe in and then connect with this feeling. Then pause and breathe out. Try not to focus on any thoughts that may pop into you head and focus back on your breathing.

2) use your senses more. Practice mindful eating- be more aware of the taste of food and try not to eat on autopilot. When you next shower- notice the smell of the shower gel or soap. Next time it rains- focus on the sound of it pattering on the window. Focus on these things more!

3) start your day with an affirmation. Think of a relevant positive sentence that you will say to yourself when you wake up in the morning.

4) look inward. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important. Be mindful of who you are and of your thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Be kind to yourself and work on growing to be the best version of yourself.

5) make your home feel balanced and safe. Keep things clean, tidy and organised to make it relaxing and comfortable. This will in turn help to clear your mind of clutter and help you feel more balanced.

Book your free 20 minute telephone session with our specialist relationship breakup coach here and find peace after a breakup.


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interview with breakup-help

Interview with breakup help

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Interview with breakup help owner and founder Shanice Goodhew. The interviewer is Joy Millani of the inspiring Podcast and channel ‘Girl, Just startup’.

Click here to listen to the full interview on how to be your true authentic self. It is focused on how to achieve success based on our own beliefs and ideas!

This piece is a great listen if you are interested in finding out some background information about us here at breakup-help. Find answers to how breakup-help was founded and find out the ethos behind everything it does.

This blog post reiterates the importance that is held here by us, to showing positive results by use of it’s programme with our clients. It’s priority will always be about getting people feeling better after a relationship breakup.

The most important thing to us is to get people feeling better after a relationship breakup. This is what we always work so hard to achieve. It is always such a wonderful feeling when we achieve this. Because someone goes from feeling sad, lonely, abandoned and unhappy after a breakup to feeling happiness again.

If you enjoyed this interview, why not head over to our other interview blog post here to find out more about our owner and founder of breakup-help!

You can also book a free 20 minute chat with our specialist relationship breakup coach here.


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How to deal with a breakup in quarantine

Category:heartbroken,relationship,Uncategorised Tags : 

How to deal with a breakup in quarantine. Breakups are hard in normal conditions and during a pandemic will be even more of a challenge. Here are 5 tips to help you if this is happening to you.

1) Communicate with people.

Activities that are usually available to us as a distraction aren’t as readily available anymore so meeting with friends or going out as we would have before may not be possible. Communicate with and reach out to family and friends wherever possible- ask for help.

2) Allow yourself to be sad.

Don’t think just because the pandemic is happening and everyone is having issues and problems surrounding it that you can’t feel sad and express that. Be kind to yourself as you would be to a friend.

3) Take up a new hobby.

One positive thing the pandemic has probably given us is more time. Time to do something new that makes you feel good. Replace the time you spent with your ex with something new for yourself.

4) Social distance yourself from your ex!

Block them on everything and get rid of everything that is a trigger for you hurting. This can be a challenge if you are still living together but make it your priority to be away from them and focus on yourself.

5) Engage in distractions.

If you can’t meet friends in person, have a long telephone conversation or dinner over zoom! Treat yourself to some new make up or clothes and meet new people (this is still possible in a virtual way!), join an online fitness class or just focus on something for your own health and wellness.

Those are my top 5 tips for how to deal with a breakup in quarantine. If you need help getting over your ex, book a free 20 minute chat with me here.


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Why am I not getting over my ex?

Category:heartbroken,relationship,Uncategorised Tags : 

Why am I not getting over my ex? The question you ask yourself because everything seems so hard and you just can’t work out how to move on. Here are 5 major reasons why you are stuck and unable to move on from your ex.

1-You are lonely.

You are used to being with that person and talking to them, spending time with them. Maybe you had them around whenever you need them. You might have cut off friends or spent less time with friends during the relationship. Now feel like you are lonely. The best way to combat this is to make time for your friends and family again. Go out and do what makes you feel good and be surrounded by others.

2-You are still connected on social media or through friends.

You can see what they are getting up to and what they are posting about throughout the day. This is reminding you of them and is holding you back from getting over them. Don’t worry about burning bridges or looking like the bad guy, look after yourself first.

3- You lost confidence during the relationship.

If you started to feel unappreciated or unacknowledged by your partner while you were with them then it is likely that you blamed yourself. Maybe you lost some confidence. This is not a reflection on you and use this time to build yourself back up.

4- You are not accepting all the negative things and are only focusing on the good times you had.

This is illogical and it is vital that you work to recognise the reasons why they are not right for you.

5- You are grieving the relationship potential.

You are sad about all the things you could have been instead of acknowledging all the things that the relationship actually was!

If you need help getting over your ex, request your free 20 minute chat with me here to get started on your journey to happiness.


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breakup quotes

Breakup quotes to help you move on from your ex

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Breakup quotes to help you move on from your ex and also because sometimes you need to give yourself a little pep-talk! Remind yourself of what is truly important to you and what you need and want in life.

Sometimes we settle for less because we have gotten used to the way things have been for a while. Habits and routines naturally develop. But remember what you deserve and what you want from life! Make the change to be happier. Here are the breakup quotes to help you move on from your ex.

breakup quotes to remind you of what you really deserve
sometimes you have to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve
breakup quotes turned into a butterfly
Just when the caterpillar thought it’s life was ending, it turned into a butterfly.
breakup help stop chasing the wrong things
The right thing can only catch you when you stop chasing the wrong things.
breakup quotes is that man for you
If there’s no consistency, loyalty,stability and respect then leave it alone, it is not for you.
 let go of it and care about yourself more
Sometimes you need to let go of people, not because you don’t care about them but because you care about yourself more.
breakup quotes be alone not lonely
It’s better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel lonely.
breakup quotes move on from yesterday
You don’t move on from yesterday by talking and thinking about it all the time, you move on by removing it’s effect by being in the present.
 sometimes do nothing
Sometimes the bravest thing to do is to do nothing.
 to make you feel better and rise above it
Don’t get mad, don’t get even. Do better, rise above it so high that you can’t even see it.
started a fire but now she cannot be put out
You started a fire in her soul and then left her shivering in the cold. She gathered what embers were left and became a fire that can never be put out.

If you are going through a breakup and need one on one support and guidance, book your free 20 minute chat here to get started now.