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How to build a healthy relationship

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How to build a healthy relationship. Do you want to feel connected to your partner and are seeking the unconditional, healthy relationship everyone talks about?

All relationships take work and dedication, its not always going to be easy. You need to have a willingness to adapt to your partner and change in a positive way based on these adaptations. Whether you have been together for what feels like forever or you are single and just want tips for your next relationship.

Learn how to build a relationship that is satisfying and happy, here are my top tips to find fulfilment and lasting happiness.

Top 10 tips:

1.Spend quality time together

You fall in love and stay in love by looking at and listening to one another. Being attentive can help sustain longer term happiness. It becomes harder to find time to spend together what with life demands and you are likely used to the new exciting feeling of having first got together. This will feel like a significant switch when you end up living together, doing the ‘life’ stuff together. DO NOT allow this to make you forget how important it is to spend quality time together. Regularly connect over things when you spend time together- let technology take a back seat and really focus on the time you are spending with your partner. Find a joint hobby or activity that you both enjoy and do this regularly. Try new things together and have adventures together! This is supposed to be your life partner and team mate so make plans to do amazing things together and carry those out. Make memories and go on brilliant journeys together.

2. Communicate openly.

Effective communication helps to maintain a strong, lasting romantic relationship. How else will they know what your needs are? Its either: communicate and have your needs met thus have a good connection with your partner, or: Don’t have your needs met and feel like the connection is lacking. Make the right choice! Communication is also about taking note of non-verbal cues- your partner will respond differently to uncomfortable or tense situations. Your partner may want a hug after a stressful day whereas you may just want to sit together and talk. Make sure that what you say matches your body language. It’s no good saying ‘I’m fine’ but then looking away and crossing your arms over. Be very aware of how you are coming across non-verbally.

3. Don’t push your expectations onto your partner

Do not push your expectations on to your partner. If you have set expectations that your partner does not want to or can’t meet, it is not healthy to try to push these onto them. These are expectations you have set therefore it is never fair to expect someone else to reach all of these. Compromise is important, nobody is perfect and you need to be able to accept your partner for all of their quirks as well as the good stuff without expecting perfection.

4. Maintain a good relationship with yourself

If you had hobbies before your relationship such as working out, meeting the girls/boys for dinner and a catch up every couple of weeks, or other similar activities, it is important to maintain these. You need to have a life outside of your relationship. This doesn’t mean that you can’t make your relationship your priority. It means: sustain your own identity in order to prevent unhealthy pressure being put on your relationship.

5. Maintain a meaningful emotional connection with each other

Work hard to make your partner feel emotionally fulfilled and loved. This means, feeling accepted and valued by your partner. Some couples exist in amicable coexistence however this is not the same as being able to truly connect emotionally with your partner. Without this connection there may be a feeling of distance between you. Enjoy the little things you do together and make sure that you are always showing gratitude for all the things you adore about each other! Don’t get comfortable being comfortable. Keep it exciting, this way you will always enjoy your time together whilst feeling secure and at peace together.

6. Treat them how you want to be treated (yes its a cliché but really)

Agree your boundaries and don’t do things you know will hurt their feelings. If there are things you would not be ok with them doing then don’t do them yourself! Get into the habit of having empathy in that you can put yourself in their position about how they might feel after you do something. It’s so important to ensure you are in tune with each other and know what the other likes and dislikes. Get into the habit of doing the good and avoiding the bad!

It is so important to focus on your relationship at all times not just some of the time. It takes ongoing attention and commitment to be truly happy and fulfilled in your relationship.

7. Keep physical intimacy alive

Touch is a fundamental part of our existence. Regular affectionate contact is so important in maintaining effective attachment and healthy connections. Holding hands, hugging and kissing are all just as important as sexual intimacy in keeping the romance alive. Be sensitive to what your partner likes and dislikes when it comes to physical intimacy. Even amongst a pressing workload or childcare duties it is so important to carve out time for physical intimacy with your partner.

8. Compromise, compromise and compromise

If you expect to get what you want all of the time then you need to seriously have a word with yourself, because you are leading yourself up to be disappointed. Both parties in a relationship need to put forward a reasonable exchange and learn to compromise. It is important that you both recognise what is important to each other and build a positive atmosphere.

9. Don’t make your goal during disagreements about ‘winning’

Do not always expect things to go your way ‘or else’. This attitude could make your partner feel trapped and like their feelings are not valid. This is very damaging to both your partner and your relationship. Perhaps this desire for everything to go your way stems from not having your needs met as a child. Or maybe it comes from years of not having your voice heard in previous relationships. But ultimately this is a damaging trait so needs to be dealt with before it causes damage. Your partner deserves to be heard and have their feelings validated as well.

10. Leave the past in the past

Do not drag old arguments or issues into the mix when you are feeling low or trying to resolve conflict. Do not try to assign old blame to things that should no longer be relevant. Look at the present situation and work on that. Be willing to let things go and don’t keep bringing them up! There is nothing more damaging to a relationship than bringing up old uncomfortable conversations and previous issues consistently. Once you have tackled an issue, agree to leave it there. Conflict is inevitable but make sure to fight fair when it happens!

I hope you enjoyed my top 10 ways of learning how to build a healthy relationship. If you need some one on support, book your free 20 minute chat with our relationship breakup coach here.