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Why is a breakup so hard? It can feel challenging coping with a breakup especially if it is one you didn’t want. You will be experiencing physical and psychological symptoms of grief and loss. Even if you knew the relationship wasn’t perfect, you invested time and feelings into this and now it is over. You are bound to be feeling the loss of this.

Why do we experience this as grief?

A romantic partner holds a significance in our lives like nobody else can. They become your primary person who you turn to for love, comfort, security and support. We turn to them for validation during the good times and the bad times, they are usually the person we turn to first about any events that take place. When that person is now no longer there, it causes us to feel distressed and this can compound. This distress is enhanced because the person who would usually help us in distress is no longer there to help. It is this feeling of vulnerability that can cause the negative feelings that arise with a breakup.

Typical feelings during a breakup.

If you are the person ending the relationship, you may feel relief, guilt, confusion, anxiety and sadness. If you are the person being broken up with you may feel different emotions more in line with grief and loss. These could include, anger, panic, anxiety, denial, hopelessness but eventually acceptance. If you still have to see your ex because of living conditions or children, it can make it feel more difficult due to having to see the person and being triggered to stay in the breakup cycle. It is even more important in this case to find a way to accept it is over and move forward.


By allowing your feelings to exist and talking to someone who knows how to support you through the breakup, you will recover from this experience. It can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but you will be ok again. We offer a free 20 minute telephone session to anyone going through a breakup. Book yours here.